Thursday, December 23, 2010

Never Have Seen

I could never be the universe's smoothest person but I can try right?
Friends asking if I'm ready for the limelight
I tell 'em "Wait and see", I got it all planned
9th Wonder on the beats and they all jam
And that sounds like a wind chime
So move over to the side like the french fries
Most of these kids rhyme atrociously
But babes fiending for my music like Jodeci
Keeping it simple and dumbing it down are different
My pencil is real offensive, killing competitors spirits
Scholars quoting all the lyrics that I write down
Excite entire towns anytime I rock crowds
And narrow minds get catered to
I shine 'cause I was made to
Played too many games as a kid, now I'm ready like P-Troy
Records'll get obliterated, killed and destroyed
They say success breeds contempt so I can tell I made it
The game's contaminated, players get elaminated
I'm glad I made it in time for these kids to watch
Tom Hardy, the gnarliest since Barkley
Narnia status, I'm probably 'bout to win the Carnegie
Caldecot scalding hot lyrics for the spirit
Messing with my team no, can't get near 'em
Flow the most superious, serious, serious
And the only thing I'm fearing is not a fucking thing
I decided to rhyme and I'm riding until I die from it
Making investments now but yet to make a dime from it
And you can smile and say backhanded shit to me but I'ma go down in infamy inside of the industry
Inside of me is G-I-F-T I be the extraordinary Hardy
I'll make it P, and I'm rocking to my own beat
I don't own jeeps
My parents got me a Honda except its on lease
I own the world, I'ma show 'em I mean it
I'ma show 'em they raised me right and the world is gon' see it
I make songs for my homeboys and girls to sing it
I make songs for the whole fucking world to sing it
I'm a fucking genius, I can't lie
I'm special and rode the short bus, that's why

Monday, December 20, 2010

Deconstructing "Still Tippin"

The other day I stumbled across this breakdown of “Exhibit C” done by Toure. I’m not dude’s biggest fan, but Jay Electronica crafted a classic song with that one, so I checked out his review out of curiosity more than anything. Toure did a great job and I couldn’t help but applaud the man. I also thought about the amount of time it would take to write something like that. Well, it intrigued me so much that I thought I would take my own stab at deconstructing a song. I figured, just like “Exhibit C”, it would have to be a classic song and groundbreaking record in its own right. Something that ushered in a new genre to the mainstream masses and transformed how people view artists from the state of Texas. None other than Mike Jones, Paul Wall & Slim Thug’s “Still Tippin”. Shall we?

“Still Tippin' on four fours, wrapped in four vogues
Tippin' on four fours, wrapped in four vogues
Tippin' on four fours wrapped in four vogues
Pimping four hoes and I'm packing four fours”

Before I start on this breakdown, I figured I would start with breaking down the epic hook. The hook comes from a classic freestyle from Slim Thug where he mentions the staples of living the thug life. He has a car, probably a classic car, affectionately known as a “slab”, and he’s describing what he has on and in the vehicle.

He has his car sitting on rims that were created for the limited edition 1984 Cadillac El Dorado. They were only serviced in 1983 and 1984, so they are known as, obviously, 3’s & 4’s. So, he has four 4’s on his vehicle that are wrapped in Vogue tires. If he has such a rare tire/wheel combo, you know that he has to have money. He apparently gets his money from the prostitution profession, where he has acquired a stable of four workers. To protect his females and to also ward off would-be carjackers, he has to equip himself with a .44 magnum pistol.

“Now look who creeping look who crawling still balling in the mix”

It’s only fitting that since the song starts with Slim Thug’s vocals on the hook, that he contributes the first verse. The hook of the song deals with his vehicle, so he uses that to segway nicely into his verse by saying he’s creeping and crawling, also known as driving slow with a car that has been lowered.

“It's that 6’6” long dick slim nigga sticking your chick
Pullin tricks looking slick at all times when I'm flipping”

He’s setting his stature as an imposing force, both against smaller individuals and committed relationships.

“Barre sipping car dipping grand wood grain gripping”

He’s letting his listeners know that he will stay true to the Texas culture while he wreaks havoc on these committed relationships, complete with the reference to Barre or promethyzine & codeine.

“Still tippin' on four fours wrapped in four vogues
Pimping four hoes and I'm packing four fours
Blowing on the endo Game Cube Nintendo
Five percent tint so you can't see up in my window”

Here is confirming for the audience that it is he, in fact, who has the stable of women and the nice vehicle that he must protect with deadly force. Great for the speaker to eliminate all confusion wherever possible. However, he decides to delve a little deeper here and describe some of the bonus features he has equipped his vehicle with.

“These niggas don't understand me cuz I'm Boss Hogg on candy
Top down at Maxi's with a big glock nine handy”

Here, he takes a break from the braggadocio to get a little personal with the listeners. He asserts that he is the Boss Hogg, his vehicle has candy paint, and that because of these facts he is often misunderstood by those he cohorts with. Almost like he has worked hard to stand out but now that he does stand out, he faces more animosity than expected. Machiavellian.

“Pieced up creased up staying dressed to impress
Big boss belt buckle under my Mitchell and Ness
Oh, Gucci shades up on my braids when I Escalade
When I'm riding Sprewells sliding like a escapade
I got it made the big boss of the north”

He snaps out of his vulnerable moment to revert back to telling you why in fact he is indeed the Boss Hogg. He has to reassert his dominance on the mic as a solo force…

“Ain't shit changed I still represent Swisha House (Ha!)”

While also not venturing far from the crew that he represents. As Ne-Yo would say “I’m a movement by myself but I’m’ a force when we’re together”. Yeah.

“Four fours I'm tippin'
Wood grain I'm gripping
Catch me lane switching with the paint dripping”

You would think that Slim Thug and Mike Jones wrote their verses around each other for how they each start their verses similarly by talking about their vehicles. To keep the continuity of the track going, Jones describes the vehicle that he has, while also adding the caveat that his car has been adorned by paint that has not completely dried yet. It’s almost as if he doesn’t have the time to let his car drive because he is constantly on the go. He is painting the picture to be a nomad at the beginning of the verse.

“Turn your neck and your dame missing”

In keeping with the nomad theme, he mentions that you might find your wife or girlfriend missing from by your side. She will be gone with him on his travels. And just like he doesn’t have time to let his car’s paintjob dry, he doesn’t have time to explain what just happened to you either. Just know that when you turn your head, she will be gone.

“Me and Slim we ain't tripping I'm finger flipping and syrup sipping
Like do or die I'm po' pimping Car stop rims keep spinning
I'm flipping drop with invisible tops
Hoes bop when my drop step out
I'm shaking the block with four eighteens'
Candy green with eleven screens
My gasoline always supreme
Got do-do the brown with a pint of lean”

Jones takes a break from gets back with the initial theme of the song and here, in detail, describes his vehicle. He describes everything about it in vivid detail, even down to the gasoline that you will find within the engine of the vehicle.

It’s this attention to detail that is often overlooked, but he has a way of while maneuvering quickly through his travels to still hit all the important parts. Almost like a museum curator or tour guide.

“It takes grinding to be a king
It takes grinding to be a king”

He is using the literary tool of repetition to get his point across. While he has been describing his vehicle, and his ability to take someone’s female, he pauses for a split second to let the listener know that his life just hasn’t happened overnight. There was a lot in place that led to him being able to ascent to the top of his profession and ride with nice vehicles alongside his colleague Thug.

“First Round Draft Picks coming
Who is Mike Jones coming”

Jones pauses to do some self promotion. But in keeping with the theme of speed and quickness, these plugs are here and gone as quickly as they came.

“Slab shining with the grill and woman
Slab shining with the grill and woman”

More repetition to describe his vehicle.

“I'm Mike Jones (Who) Mike Jones the one and only you can't clone me
Got a lot a haters and a lot of homies some friends and some phony
Back then hoes didn't want me Now I'm hot hoes all on me
Back then hoes didn't want me Now I'm hot hoes all on me
Back then hoes didn't want me Now I'm hot hoes all on me
(I Said!) Back then hoes didn't want me Now I'm hot hoes all on me”

Unlike Thug who chose to get abruptly introspective in the middle of his verse, Jones waits for the last stanza to peel back a layer. He reveals that he is truly a one of a kind individual, who has overcome a lot of false friendships. A lot of people that he could not count on, that he has had to persevere to get to where he is today. This would also draw a parallel to his earlier statements about being a nomad. Possibly he is trying to escape something from his past and his past friendships/relationships. Also in a swift change of direction, he goes from his past relationships to the present. Changing tense like that makes for a weird dynamic shift in the character, and also brings the story back to the present to allow a smooth transition to the upcoming verse by Paul Wall.

“What it do it's Paul Wall I'm the people's champ”

Wall decides to begin his verse different than the first two participants. He decides to introduce himself to his listeners in order to create a more informal feel to his verses than that of Jones & Thug. He lets you know that he is the people’s champ, and that he is here to live amongst the people, not above them with his .44 magnum as protection.

“My chain light up like a lamp cuz now I'm back with the camp”

Wall has gotten to the point where he is in life because he was able to realign with past associates Thug and Jones. Almost like coming full circle.

“I'm crawling similar to an ant cuz I'm low to the earth”

This is a straight correlation to how Thug begins his verse. Again, more coming full circle.

“People's feelings get hurt when they figure out what I'm worth”

Wall ventures away from Jones and Thug. Instead of feeling compassion for the people that were in his past, Wall almost seems to take pride in setting himself apart from the others. There is no remorse or sorrow that Jones & Thug expressed while discussing their previous friendships/relationships. Wall wants you to know that he is for the people, but still, Paul Wall. Duality.

“I got eighty fours poking out at the club I'm showing out
I'm a player ain't no doubt hoes want to know what I'm bout
Biggest diamonds off in my mouth princess cuts all in my chain
Wood grain all in my range dripping stains when I switch lanes”

More continuity with the theme established by the beginning of the song.

“Switched the name, it's still the same. Swisha House or Swisha Blast”

Wall lets you know that he is not sidetracked by the little things in life, such as nomenclature. All that matters is that he is able to reunite with his past colleagues…

“Mike Jones he running the game and Magnificent bout his cash
Michael Watts he made me hot hard work took me to the top
G. Dash took me to the lot he wrote a check and bought a drop”

And then Wall proceeds to name those colleagues.

“I got the internet going nuts”

“But T. Farris got my back so now I'm holding my nuts
It's Paul Wall baby what you know bout me
I'm on that five nine Southle baby holla at me”

Closing out his verse in a fitting manner, he proclaims that he is the people’s champion Paul Wall. And if you would like to be amongst him and his colleagues, you are able to find him. The people’s champion does not hide from the people. Very accessible. Then he ends his verse with “Holla at me”. In a way it’s almost like telling the audience goodbye, thanks for listening. That concludes your journey with these three young men, and they leave you waiting for the next time you see them tipping.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Acoustic Rap

There is absolutely nothing more hilarious than an acoustic version of a rap song. Preferably an explicit rap song about sexual relations, or cheating, or various other vulgar topics. I stumbled across the first video recently, and that reminded me to post the other two vids. Enjoy.

Waka Flocka Flame - "No Hands"

David Banner - "Play"

Riskay - "Smell Yo Dick"

*Instances like these, I don't even mind them using the n-word. That's how hilarious these videos are. Only in these instances. Or instances such as this.

Def Comedy Jam

Piggybacking off the last clip, a lot of people forget that Chris Tucker was funny before those Rush Hour movies. Here's a classic clip of his stand-up from Def Comedy Jam.

Speaking of Def Comedy Jam, RIP Bernie Mac

One more hilarious clip, from a lesser known act named Deon Cole

He Gon' Cry In The Car

1) If you see dude doing those kind of martial arts stances, there's a 15% chance that he's just doing that to scare you and make you think he's nuts. Which, by math standards, means there's a 85% chance that he actually knows what he's doing. Which means you really shouldn't be fighting this dude.

2) If you keep moving around dude and he's adjusting accordingly, you really shouldn't be fighting this dude.

3) There was a female in middle when the argument first started and was escalating. Which leads me to believe that this was probably over the female. HNH.

4) The one guy definitely wasn't prepared to fight. He never even took off his herringbone chain. When real men fight, they at least take off any jewels or whatnot.

5) I use any excuse I can to post clips from "Friday"

Thank You Based God

There are some funny people that use the Internet. Usually there's one thing that kinda gets started and people just start running with it. Case in point:

And one more for good measure.

Friday, December 3, 2010

I Can Tell Where Your Scars Are

I can tell where your scars are just by the way you walk
And every assault you have endured has ensured your every step
And you are blessed regardless of the animals that have attacked you
And you are pure regardless of who has abused you
I know an angel when I see one
And when our kingdom come it will be you, I and the sun
And we will be one
We will create children and our children will create us
Then every night by the light of the moon I will kiss away your scars to Abby Lincoln tunes
And I will drink perfume that tastes like you
Then I will draw our bathwater warm so we can soak til our soul's reborn
And you will be safe and secure in my arms and it will always be this way
See I can tell where your scars are just by the way you smile
And every night I walk a mile in your shoes
Kiss away your tears and compile your blues
And I will lick every pit from your soul's revelation to your pain's exodus
And when there's nothing left to sip I will massage the tension from your nekkedness
And then lift you in the most effortless way so that you can just slowly ride all your pain away
See I can tell where you scars are just by the way you moan
And every time we spend together I want your life to just keep getting better
Just want your nights to just keep getting wetter
Never want the trust in our relationship to sever
I want you to let your mind go until you ready for handcuffs, candlewax, and blindfolds
I want you feel me inside of you until time slows
And learn to cum so hard it feel like your spine froze
With a smile on your face until the sunshine shows and it will always be like this
I can tell where you scars are 'cause I was born to kiss them away
And make love to you the way you deserve to be made love to
And the way you'll know that it's right is when your nipples become harder than your life is
And after I undress and lay down I'm gonna whisper poems in your ear at frequencies so beautiful that only your clitoris can hear

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Listorial Crack

I came across this list and the list was such hot fire that I had to blog about it immediately. As Juelz Santana would say, it grabbed my attention like “HEY”. Or:

This is a list of 10 things you should not be doing on Facebook if you’re over the age of 25. And frankly. I think the list might start as soon as you graduate college. It hits on many points that are just too poignant and I will list out each point and provide my own commentary afterwards.

1) Choosing “it’s complicated” as your relationship status
Uhm…after age 25, you’re a grown man, or a grown woman. You have no business selecting “it’s complicated” as your Facebook status unless you’re 12, and haven’t learned what you want and don’t want in life. You either are, or are not, in a relationship. Moving right along.

-Another thing. If you’re pregnant, your relationship status should not be “it’s complicated”. If it’s that complicated, maybe you should just keep that to yourself. Matter of fact, maybe you should delete your account until you get your baby daddy situations straightened out-

2) Posing with money
If you have to pose with money in your Facebook pictures or profile pictures, chances are you have a complex because you don’t have a job, are not rich, and likely never will be after any potential employer sees you acting the fool with dirty dollars on the Internets. SMDH.

-Chances are the money that you are posing with is your rent money. Unless you live at home with your parents of course. Yeah.-

3) Changing your FB middle name to ‘I don’t give-a’ or ‘MahoganyBoobs’ or ‘Eff-U-Haterz’
Not sure whom you’re angry at, or why, but no need to be overly blasphemous about your government name. If your name is Sheila Bequila Johnson, that is fine. Go by that. But no one needs to know too much more if you’re over 25. Nobody needs to know via your full name how much mahogany you have in your boobs, how good you are in bed, or why you have soOOoOo many haters. * side eye *

-I think I wanna change my FBook middle name to Daddy Fat Sacks. Don’t judge me.-

4) Having Internet beef
Please do not go on anybody’s Facebook wall and act like a jackass if you are grown. Do not write cuss words, or easy-to-guess comments like “I hate Phonda Hose” (when we all know you are talking about “Shonda Rose”) on any part of Facebook. Doing so is childish, and if you are over the age of 25, you are not what? A child.

-Internet beef/thuggin also occurs via Twitter. And again, it’s very childish-

5) Boasting about how much you drank last night
Those were college days when you slept with your roommate for fun and flashed your university professor. I repeat: college days. Whether or not you in fact went to college, you know better than to be writing about how you gulped down keg after keg of alcohol with your boo or your crew–on Facebook. Please know better if you don’t know better.

-I wish people would stop posting pictures of last night’s drunken debauchery. No cameras, or if they are, they definitely don’t go on FBook. And if you tag me, and I untag it, don’t tag me back again. Respect my authority.-

6) Spelling words in a way that suggests you hate dictionaries
No, like seriously – what is wrong with writing “like” instead of “lyk?” Must you abbreviate every single word you have you in your diction after the age of 25? Get over it: you are grown. Take your sweet time and spell things the way an educated person with sense would spell them. Using those abbreviations are fine here and there, but dont<– leave out apostrophes or write donkey butt just because you’re trying to be “cool.” You never know who may be looking to hire — and it ain’t gonna be someone who can’t spell for nothing.

-This has to stop immediately-

7) Announcing every inch of your relationship
Not sure what the remedy would be for someone who just loooves to go on and on about his or her relationship on Facebook – except maybe somebody throwing a bucket of ice on your head if you are that person. Do we care that you and your loved one just farted at the same time in public? We sure do not. Keep your mouth shut and your butt even shutter. You are grown.

-Also, if you split with your partner, don’t jump on FBook every other day announcing that you’re in a relationship, then out of one, then vice versa. No one cares that much-

8. Carrying on a pretend life
If you’ve never been in V.I.P or popped a bottle of Moet in your life, please stop the madness? Stop creating the illusion within social spaces that you are a celebrity and you have paparazzi following you everywhere taking pictures–cos we know that’s just your cousin Jojo. And we know you live in a studio on Crenshaw. With roaches. Do better. Grow up. Be more financially responsible. And humble. Next.

-I’m guessing the pretend life also applies to people that post those photos-

9) Hating on the opposite sex ALL the daggone time!
Geez louise, we all know that the opposite sex isn’t all a bed of roses, but if you’re over 25 and you’re still pounding on them every second–especially in your FB status–maybe the problem is YOU. Just saying. Put the weapons down…and let God.

-I do my fair share of hating on the opposite sex. But I’m not 25. Sue me.-

10) Tagging other people in embarrassing photos and unnecessary little quizzes, tests, games, and crappity craps…
It’s bad enough that YOU have saved a whole bunch of hot-mess photos and are willing to compromise YOURself, but please…let the other folk who want to grow up and be somebody not fall victim to your “nostalgia.” Mmmkay? We may have acted the fool together once upon a time, but I don’t need you tagging my 1998 picture and blowing up my spot. I have moved forward. You should too.

-This is grounds for me to revoke our internet friendship. It’s that serious.-

Year-End Rap Up

Most blogs compose these yearend wrap up lists towards the end of the year. These are best movies, best albums, etc. I figured I would do a top 10 mixtape listing, since that’s all anyone listens to these days. Most these mixtapes could double as full length LP’s, and quite a few of these are available on iTunes or Amazon in actual disc format. This isn’t a list of what are the top 10 influential, or had the biggest impact, or had the biggest radio hits. These are the ten that I feel about the best listens from beginning to end. I won't be provided links in this article. This is 2010. If you want to find the mixtapes, you can find them. Since this is my opinion, you all probably won’t agree with my picks. But that’s neither here nor there. Shall we?

10. Thee Tom Hardy - Secret of Thee Green Magic
The reason this is listed at number 10 is because it only came out a few weeks ago. Truth is, I have been listening to this mixtape in constant rotation since it came out. It’s just that good. Dope beats, dope rhymes. Makes me feel like I’m listening to Mobb Deep’s “The Infamous” or something. Occasional there will be a deep line but the majority of it is just me nodding my head into hypnosis watching great track blend into the next great track. So good I don’t even mind the DJ tags all over it. Thee Tom hardy should be around for awhile hopefully because “true talent is a present that cannot be bought”

9. J. Cole – Friday Night Lights
This is listed at number 9 similar to the Thee Tom Hardy mixtape because it hasn’t been out that long, but boy, if this would’ve dropped around June I think it would be top 5. I haven’t listened to it enough to decipher each and every line that J. Cole drops in this thing. He is a special rapper in that he touches on subjects most rappers shy away from but does it almost effortlessly. And the Badu sample to start the mixtape off just puts everything off on the right foot.

8. Yelawolf – Trunk Muzik
This mixtape dropped in January and I still find myself playing it with regularity. He just dropped a retail album which is mostly songs from this mixtape, but this mixtape is where these songs have a great flow to them. From the beginning of the mixtape to the Juelz collaboration at the end, you get a view into an Alabama native that’s been through some shit in his life. But he makes it sound like you grew up right next door to him witnessing him pop the trunk. Takes true talent.

7. Playboy Tre – The Last Call
I hadn’t heard of Playboy Tre until I saw his hilarious YouTube videos. Dude is a straight fool. Also turns out dude is an above average rapper who has more focused output than his label mate and associate B.o.B. Playboy Tre has moments of clarity on this album that I haven’t heard since a Ghostface Killah record. He’s dropping old head “this is the game youngblood” knowledge all throughout this project and its’ hard to not listen all the way through once you’ve started.

6. Joe Budden – Mood Muzik 4
This project follows suit to where the Mood Muzik projects have come up to this point. It’s what you would expect. Few hooks, unrepentant introspective lyricism about a bevy of topics that are usually on the depressing sides. If you’re having a bad day, listening to this project will only make it worse. But that’s part of what makes it great. It has the ability to reach out and touch your emotions to the point where you empathize with Joey’s trials and tribulations so that if you have occurred any of the same ones, you can instantly relate. Even if you haven’t, the emotion makes you wish you had, and overcome it.

5. Dom Kennedy – From The Westside With Love
This is the quintessential soundtrack for just riding, vibing to good music, possibly hanging out with a few choice females. The music is so breezy that you almost forget that Dom Kennedy is rapping his ass off. He’s able to bounce back and forth from catchy punch lines to cheesy pickup lines to dope observations on life. All without missing a beat. This project also includes a dope ass introspective track at the end as well as the anthem of the jump-off express. What’s not to like about that?

4. Pac Div – Don’t Mention It
These 3 cats from Cali don’t pull any lyrical punches on this mixtape. They destroy every track about whatever topic it is. They use the same fervor to talk about picking up “birds” as they do to talk about problems in the black community or problems with infidelity. All cohesive projects have to cover a variety of topics, and this project doesn’t disappoint at all.

3. Wale – More About Nothing
One of the most complete, diverse projects on this list. Touches on a variety of subjects and doesn’t miss a beat at all. I can’t think of a single subpar verse on this project. Even the guest features come correct on this list. The only problem is that songs start to run together but that’s just me trying to nitpick. This is a great project.

2. Freddie Gibbs – Str8 Killa No Filla
He’s not joking when he says there’s no filler. The only filler is the end track where he redoes “Rock Steady” for fun. Freddie is able to internalize the dope boy/stick up kid attitude to the point where he just accepts it as reality and doesn’t try to glorify it. Therefore you get plenty of self-reflections on the project you can see how he has the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. He’s able to take every song over the top with his tenacity and make for one enjoyable listen.

1. Big KRIT – KRIT Wuz Here
I had to make this #1 just for the songs “Children of the World” and “2000 & Beyond”. Those audio gems will be remembered for a long time to come, but that doesn’t take away from the greatness that is this entire project. It also adds to the allure when you realize that not only does KRIT all of the memorable verses but he also produced the project in its entirety. That kind of talent only will add to draw comparisons to the late great Pimp C. But if someone has to carry the torch for Chad Butler, there’s no one better than KRIT.

Honorable Mention:
Wiz Khalifa “Kush & Orange Juice”
Childish Gambino “Culdesac”
Asher Roth “Seared Foi Gras With Quince & Cranberry”
Mac Miller “K.I.D.S.”
Starlito “Terminader Gold 60”

One Day

I’ve been trying to blog for awhile. I’ve had lots of inspiration but whenever I try to put the figurative pen to paper I always draw blanks. Out here failing worse than Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon trying to have a baby. Too soon?

Anyways, I had quite a bevy of material I could possibly write about. I thought long and hard about writing an article about the ills that Facebook causes relationships. A friend of mine just recently got a Facebook account after a Kanye West-style imposed exile and within a matter of hours it had already caused drama with his significant other. She at first was cool with it, then demanded passwords and the whole nine. It just echoed my sentiments about how people in committed relationships either should have a joint Facebook account or no account at all, but I could never put on my sarcasm hat and give it the witty responses that it needed. I still would like to know why people blame Facebook for all of their relationship ills. Facebook only enhances and shines a light on what was already there. I’m sorry if the guy you have two kids with and never even once brought up marriage is out there sending other chicks messages asking for phone numbers. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire but that’s neither here nor there.

Then I had inspiration to write another piece. A more somber piece about a female college student who committed suicide roughly a week after reporting that one of the school’s varsity football players had sexually assaulted her. I wanted to be respectful of it and not touch on that touchy subject so close to it occurring, until I realized that this news story was actually about an incident that occurred almost 4 months ago that is just now being reported. Then that was like a Pandora’s Box of sorts. It made me wonder why they would go through such lengths to keep it a secret if there was truly no wrongdoing going on. Why would they conceal the identities of the accused, and handle it as an in-house manner? That wouldn’t happen for any other student, why are varsity athletes any different? Then I saw that the incident occurred at Notre Dame, and suddenly I had answers to all my questions. I’ve long since removed myself from that environment and that frame of thinking, but it’s startling to see that some things never change. Take that how you want.

Neither piece had inspired me to write anything, but I did get some inspiration recently. Inspiration from the upcoming holiday season. I don’t know what kind of situations you, the readers, have going on in your lives, but just know that every day above ground is a great one. And you should be thankful for the many blessings you have, whether you are aware of them or not. If you don’t remember the last time you told your family that you loved them, do so immediately after finishing this blog post. It’s that serious.

One day you’re here, and the next day you’re gone.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

hell yeah

Sitting in the living room on the floor hunger pain got me on some migraine shit but I'ma maintain
Nigga got two or three dollars to my name and my homies in the same boat going through the same thing
Ready for a caper, steady plotting for the paper
We been livin' in the dark since April
On the candle, gotta get a handle
My homie got a 25 automatic added to the gamble
Nigga get the phone book, look up in the yellow page, lemme tell you how we fitna get paid
We gon' order pizza and when we see the driver, we gon' stick the 25 up in his face
Let's ride, steppin' outside like warriors into the notorious southside
One weapon to the four of us, hiding in the corridor til' we see the Domino's car headlights
White boy in the wrong place at the right time
Soon as the car door open up he mine
We roll up quick and put the pistol to his nose
By the look on his face he probly shitted in his clothes
You know what this? It's a stick up, gimme the dough from the pick up, you ran into the wrong niggas
We running down the block hot with these pizza boxes
So we split up and met back at the apartment

I know a way we can get paid
You can get down but you can't be afraid
Let's go to the DMV and get a ID
The name says you but the face is me
Now it's your turn take my paperwork
Like 1,2,3 let's make it work
Then fill out out the credit card application
Then it's gonna be about three weeks of waiting
For American Express, Discovery Card, Platinum Visa Mastercard
'Cause when we was boosting shit then we was targets
Now we just walk right up and say charge it
To the game we rockin' brand names
Well known at department store chains
Even got the boys in the crew a few thangs
Po Po never know who to true blame
Store after store you know we kept rolling
Wait two weeks, report the card stolen
Repeat the cycle like a laundromat
Like a glitch in the system that's hard to catch
Coming out the mall, with the shopping bags
We can take 'em right back and get the cash, yeah
Get a friend and do it again
Damn right, that's how we pay the rent

I know a caper, we can get some government paper
You know food stamps, can we really do that?
Hell yeah, right there for the taking
Fuck welfare, we say reparations
You know the grind, get up early get on the line and just wait, everybody on break
That's part of the game and when they call your name
Miss caseworker lemme state my claim
I'm homeless, jobless, time is hard
About hopeless, but I gotta eat regardless
No family to run to, I'm 22
Now tell me what the fuck am I supposed to do?
My sad story made her feel close to me
I made her feel like it was in emergency
And when I came to the crib niggas couldn't believe
I came back with a big bag of groceries

Every job I ever had I had to get on. The first day I find out how to pimp the system
Two steps ahead of the manager, getting over on the regular
Tax-free money out the register
And when I'm working late night stocking boxes, I'm creepin' their merchandise
And don't put me on dishes I'm dropping them bitches
And takin' all day long to mop the kitchen
Shit, we ain't getting paid commission
Minimum wage, modern day slave conditions
Got me flipping burgers with no power
Can't even buy one off what I make in an hour
I'm not one to kiss ass for the top position
I take mine off the top like a politician
where I'm from doin' dirt is a part of living
I got mouths to feed dog I gots to get it

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Hide Your Kids

I blame a certain person for bringing this foolishness across my timeline on Twitter.

I came across this link. Yes, that's a female who is using her Twitter account to advertise her business as an escort. She is using the same social medium used by musicians to promote their work and politicans to promote their social platform to promote her line of work.

I literally have no words to describe this, or her actual website where she advertises her rates, or the Twitvid videos of her actually participating in explicit sex acts. All I can do right now is use this as a platform to stress that we need to choose wisely what we promote and what we don't promote.

I think the saddest part of this whole situation is that she doesn't see anything wrong with the situation. In fact, she takes pride in the fact that she can charge fees for what others are doing for free. Almost like an informal expose' into the mind of a woman who is able to separate her emotions from the act of sex to where it is strictly a tool for self-promotion and profit. Kinda sad when you think about it.

I'm gonna end this before I began a trademark rant because I know it wouldn't end well and I would probably say something that I regret. I'll just say HNH and cue the 2Pac:

Gotta Let It Burn

I won't go to in depth in this blog as to the motivating factors for this post. I'll just say HNH.

Anyways, here are some of my favorite songs by R&B singers discussing a certain topic. The theme should be pretty obvious.

Usher - "Let It Burn"

Ryan Leslie - "Never Gonna Break Up"

Lauryn Hill - "Ex-Factor"

Mayer Hawthorne - "Strange Arrangement"

Maxwell - "Changed"

Carl Thomas - "I Wish"

Craig David - "Let Her Go"

Dr Jekyll

Growing up as a kid, my dad taught me to be a gentleman to ladies. Pulling out chairs, opening doors, offering them my jacket while we're out in the elements, etc. My mom, on the other hand, taught me that not every woman is a lady. Only a certain portion of humans with ovaries are worthy of that kind of treatment. But to the naked eye, it's almost impossible to distinguish between the two. And this is due to the complicated nature that females carry themselves. Nothing is straightforward with them. Everything is either a contest, or a challenge, or a test, or just downright deception.

I came across this video the other day. About "the friend zone".*

This video pretty much summed up the problem I've run into a lot recently. I enjoy expressing my emotions for females that I'm a attracted to. I don't open up to many people, but once I have deemed you worthy of my innermost feelings, I become an open book. But I've noticed that whenever I let my guard down and show my nice guy side, that moves me from the potential suitor category to the friend zone. It's almost like women only want someone who will do them dirty and play with their emotions until they are no longer able to attract those types of men. Then they want the nice guy with the stable lifestyle and personality to come in and pick up the broken pieces of her heart and Gorilla Glue them shits back together.

The big problem I have with this situation is that most females aren't honest in what they desire. They seem to have a problem admitting what exactly they are looking for in a mate. This dishonesty rubs me the wrong way. Don't tell me you want this, when all your actions illustrate that you really desire this. If you want a man to whisper sweet nothings in your ear and send sweet text messages, that's cool. If you want a man to treat you like toilet paper, that's cool too. Just be honest with yourself and allow me the time and ability to gauge your situation at face value.

Not too long ago, I asked an associate to describe me and she replied that I was an "aggressive, opinionated, shy nerd". She felt that the shy nerd part was really me but I also displayed a lot of the aggressiveness and opinionatedness, which came across as assholeness. I couldn't tell her at the time, but I came into the game as the shy nerd. That's who I am. Being a product of my surroundings and seeing what works and what doesn't, I had to add a little bit of an edge to my appearance. The game is truly survival of the fittest, and it seems like only the alpha male wins. If I want to attract and keep a female's attention, I have to treat her like shit. Just the facts of life. So even though I may be thinking about you at random times or whatnot, you wouldn't know that. Because this is probably my ringtone for you.

Because it's like that. And that's the way it is.

*By the way, there are tons of dope Xtranormal videos out there. Check em out when you get a chance.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sex Sells

One of my favorite artists happens to be Plies. When I tell people this, they automatically assume I'm a fake goon, or whatever. Or that I dress like this:

When actually, that couldn't be further from the truth. Not saying I'm the most noble person on the face of the Earth, but I enjoy his music from time to time. The thing that actually made me a diehard Plies fan is when I stumbled upon this little gem. And I will embed this video because its just that great.

Yes, that is Plies. Yes, the same Plies who makes records like this one. Yes the song is called "Get You Wet". Yes, the song is about all the ways he can get a female "moist". Yes, THE VIDEO HAS BEEN VIEWED A HALF OF A MILLION TIMES!!!!!1!1

Plies has the ability to fluctuate between sheer niggerdom and sheer brilliance, which makes me believe that the goon he portrays is nothing more than a brilliant marketing scheme. In this day and age, sex sells. Only the raunchiest, most obnoxious, most outrageous things get people's attention anymore. You literally have to go bottom of the barrel if you want to raise eyebrows. Case in point:

The key thing about that tweet that I took away from it was "Retweed 100+ times". If you don't want to condone foolishness, don't retweet it for others to support said foolishness. I call it the "Charles Hamilton treatment". Simply ignore it and it will go away.

The reason I can relate to Plies is because I too have had to teeter-totter between ignorance and niggerdom. It's called being a black male at a predominately white college. I would undeniably play up my pigment at certain points, when the mood struck me. It happens. Was I that person all the time? No. Doesn't make me an "oreo". I think more people should realize that you can separate the two. Also, they should acknowledge the power that you have when portraying a minstrel act is voluntary, rather than forced. He who holds the control holds the power.

P.S. As a bonus, allow me to link one of my favorite Little Brother songs, after the nation's lukewarm response to an album titled, no less, "The Minstrel Show"


I just saw this picture come across my Tumblr.

And just like that, the joke is no longer funny. It's done. It's over. His 15 minutes are up. I don't want to hear about him performing at the BET Hip Hop Awards, or having a video game, or a Halloween costume. There are dogs mocking this man. And people are lining his pockets. He's living the American Dream, profiting off of people laughing at him not with him. And I'm totally fine with that. At least I tell myself that.

Regardless, he will never be mentioned or acknowledged on this blog. Ever again.

Three Sides of a Story

I checked my Twitter account the other day and someone sent this video to me with the message "This sounds like something you would Twitter rant about". Obviously, with a tagline like that, I have to check it out. Here's the video for yourself.

It was weird to me because maybe two days prior I received this video:

So in the span of two days, I basically was forced to come face to face with my biggest gripes with reality right now. Which are 1) Women hold the sexual power and set the standards for how men act and treat them, and 2) They are picking the wrong dudes. Sounds pretty simple at first, until you realize that everything in our society simply encourages this behavior, rather than chastise and denounce those who do.

For example, somewhere right now, there's a rapper making a music video about fucking hoes, popping bottles, living the good life, driving 30 whips. Granted, this is dude's first music video ever and he hasn't seen a dime from the music industry, but yeah he can afford all this. Actually, he has to pay for it all because no one's gonna just be nice to someone who looks like this guy.

Granted, NORE of CNN isn't a new rapper, but I chose that picture for the simple fact that he has a Newport iced-out chain hanging around his neck. And instead of calling him a complete idiot for doing that, some woman will still sleep with him. He's probably "balls deep" as I'm typing this blogpost. But I've digressed.

Women hold all of the power sexually. They decide what hoops a man has to jump through, if any, to win their most-prized asset. However, if a woman isn't taught self-love, she will continue to just settle for anything she can get. Men, being hunters due to their DNA*, they pick up on what they need to do to capture their prey. If that means acting like the 6th unofficial member of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, so be it. If that means acting like Steve Urkel, so be it. The bottom line is that men will do whatever it takes to get them laid, until it doesn't work anymore.

I will say the biggest problem I have with the conclusion that I've reached is that women don't realize the error of their ways until after its too late. Then when they've been chewed up and spit out, 2 kids later, when no good man wants them, they want to revert to "Niggas ain't shit" logic. I'm not even going to entertain that in this blogpost. I just wanted to point that out.

It just pains me that we never hear anything about the successful marriages, and about real love. Only the negatives. Life isn't always a rap music video, and it's not always a romantic comedy either. Life moves at its own pace and follows it's own storyline. But if only one storyline gets put on TV, that's all people will see. Impressionable people at that, who hold onto every word and tweet like it was found in a burning bush. As long as people take information from nonreputable sources, we have a long uphill battle to face if we desire our youth to be upstanding citizens in society. Better grab a Snickers now.

*Whether you want to discuss nature vs nurture at this point is actually irrelevant

I Don't Wanna Hurt You

First of all, I wanna tell you that all I do is have love for you
No matter we go separate ways
I’ll still ride for you ‘cause you’re the truth, can’t be replaced
You the type of girl that make a nigga go out and get the ring
But the problem is
I’m not positive that I can give the commitment that you’re asking for
‘Cause right now I’m young and though you’re the one
I can’t guarantee that I can be the one you want

You want someone who is faithful
I’m not admitting I can’t do it, just don’t wanna put you through it
If I may happen to see one
She may holla, I may holla, but I wouldn’t wanna do that to you, no

Girl, I feel that I’ll be cheating you if I continue to see you
‘Cause you’re not ready to get serious
I’m not ‘cause I’m still curious
See, I’d rather keep it real and tell you how I feel
‘Cause I think you’re beautiful and I don’t wanna hurt you, no

See over and over again I keep on saying to myself
I must be going out my mind to not wanna spend more time with her
‘Cause I love you more
And to game your heart
‘Cause I know that I’m not ready
To lock it down full time, settle down with one dime, spend the rest of my life with you
It’s better cry now, than hate me later
Trust me I’ve had a broken heart before and I
I know just how it feels
And know in time it will heal
In time it will reveal
If our love is real

Thursday, October 21, 2010

For The Babies

I see them giving the woman abortion to kill another baby
Miscarriage and misfortune and premature crack baby
Strength of Ras Tafari I'm hoping someday maybe
They don't obey their parents, maybe they will obey me
Future for the babies, hopes for the babies
Tomorrow for the babies, no sorrow for the babies
Babies having babies, raising our babies
All of these young ladies, give them thanks and praises
How long can she take it? Dreams are full of maybes
Will she ever make it? Hustles on a daily
In the club a shake it, strip down 'til she naked
Don't ever mistake it, she's much too real to fake it
Need it then she'll take it, she'll do it for the babies
A mother's love is sacred, now you don't ever fail me

A woman needs caring, sharing, love all the time
A child needs a loving, caring place for rest of eye

Is there no other option than adoption for your babies?
You're raffling and jacketing and auctioning your babies
Strength of Ras Tafari I'm hoping someday maybe
They don't obey their parents, maybe they will obey me
Cowards play the game thing, fathers do the brave thing
And that's participating, he keeps on concentrating
There is no debating, no running away thing
A new life is awakening from his ejaculating
It's in the oven baking, takes two for the making
He's right there through the cravings and early morning waking
School and educating, sports and recreating
Karate and ballet thing, teenager of today thing
Fathers still relating, still communicating
And they'll always embrace him 'cause they cannot replace him

And always do your best to keep a promise to your babies
And if you can't be good at least be honest to your babies

Monday, October 18, 2010

Why U Hate

Wanna ask the government why yall hate us so much ?
Wanna ask the other color why yall hate us so much?
Wanna ask the law why yall hate us so much?
Wanna ask the prosecutor why yall hate us so much?

Is it our skin color? Or is it the way we talk?
You hate us cause we us? Or you hate us cause we fought?
Is it the way we live? Or is it the way we walk?
We never had shit so it can’t be nothing we bought
The shit yall took us through, probably the reason we off
Our pride we still got it, the only thing we aint lost
Defending ourselves, that was what we was taught
Done been through the roughest times, but all of it ain't our fault
Wish I can add up the years in prison our people's caught
The government, the strippers, we ain't really have a choice
Your peoples go to college, my peoples go to court
Your peoples was born with money, my peoples was born broke
Your peoples lived in mansions, my peoples hung from ropes
Your peoples had it made, all my peoples had was hope
Your peoples had help, all my peoples heard was "No"
My peoples thought about it, your peoples cut our throats
The respect we had for one another, shit, wasn’t even close
We had to entertain, that was our only open door
If we wanted to make it, we had to rap, sing, or try sports
We couldn’t afford a full ride, shit my people poor
My people ain't mad, your people hates us though
But we the one who struggling, so why yall hate us for?
The police want us bad, the judge hate us more
The jury think we guilty before we come through the door
And yall take our money, but yall wont help us though
And yall biggest fear is to see my people grow
But our biggest fear is to die before we turn 24
In every lawyers past design to sink us more
And every time we go to jail, yall get paid though
But when we ask for money, yall slam the door
They say our president black, but we cant tell though
We only got ourselves, now that’s what’s real though
I know yall hate our guts, that’s how yall feel though
But yall ain't gotta like us, just let us live though
And cause we black bro don’t mean we steal though
And just cause we from the ghetto don’t be mean we dumb bro
We just as smart as ya’ll but ya’ll don’t want the world to know
But all we wanna know, is why ya’ll hate us so much?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I'm Eddy

I'm feeling fresh man. I'm feeling blessed man
I feel I can appreciate a deep breath and
And I confess I love the weed
She's my sweet sweet cheeba, that sexy sativa
But I think it's time just for a little bit to resign from getting high 'cause homie this is it
It's 2010, last chance to make myself
I plan to have a fam, start expanding on my wealth
I can't do it being stupid watching movies and the news about how we're ruined and I'll be cool if I work with youth
Screw that
Rather be shackled than do rap that didn't matter
Yeah I'm happy that I'm taking on the path that's less traveled
So fuck the drugs man, I need my lungs
Spread the message to the next man that respecting is expected
No matter what your ethnic, sex or sex preference
Profess this to the reverends, to the ex-convicted felons
We're all connected man
Energetically and I say that at the risk of sounding deep
But I suggest you correct your head and neck that reflects the physical and the spiritulal is next
That's where we twist it with different religions and
Everything is linked if you just start from the beginning
In science and politics, negatives and positives
Took the next of positives so now I got a lot to give

Thursday, September 23, 2010

One Night Stand

This ain’t jailhouse talk, this is real shit
I’m tired of these hoes, I need me a real woman to deal with
The right one, a pretty and polite one in search of a real man I’m hoping she might come
Kick it with me for a minute just to see what I’m about
And if you ain’t feeling me baby girl I’m out, I ain’t mad at you
All I’m tryna do is get to know you better, I’m attracted
Any brother could lay you across a mattress
But what about pleasure without sex?

Fuck the moon, your smile could light up the city at night, you’re a sun
I’m really hoping you turn out to be the one, I’m tryna get to know you

A little about me, you already know I’m a G with a-t-t-i-t-u-d-e
But only for those who do me no good
I can’t loosen me up but I feel like a positive relationship could
Every week I take a flight or take a cruise by myself
That’s something I wish that I could do with someone else
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not tryna come across like I’m lonely
But just tryna give you an opportunity to know me
I’m an asshole by nature and a gentleman too
I beat up bitch niggas but I promise to be gentle with you
I know your job got you stressed out, sweating out your hairdo
Put your feet up, let the King of the Ghetto take care of you
Tell me what your favorite food is and I’ll make it
And afterwards you don’t have to get naked, you’re respected
Not tryna be a special kind of fool
I’m a king and I need a queen to help me rule, I’m tryna get to know you

I’ve wasted a lot of time on these hateful chicks, these unfaithful and ungrateful chicks
I think it’s time for me to get what I deserve, don’t you feel like that?
If you can keep it real I can keep it real like that
You wouldn’t have to worry about me and another woman
You’d be my out in the open plus my undercover woman
Happy to have you on my arm, showing you off
Listening to what you have to tell me, never blowing you off
I know the sun won’t shine everyday
Sometime we’ll be in for bad weather, we can go through it together
Well I’m looking for my woman ‘cause she overdo
All I’m tryna do is see if she you, that’s why I’m tryna get to know you

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Caught Me Slippin

I posted the previous Dave Chappelle video and this video was in the sidebar on the page.

Dude brings up a interesting point. There really is no social norm against male rape the way there is for female rape. Even if its a female raping a man, there really is no support groups or anything for men. I couldn't even imagine something like that going down. If a man ever tried to rape me, one of us has to die. Either him or me. May the best man win.

Bosom Buddies

On Youtube I'm subscribed to videos from LA's DJ Skee. I have no clue who he is, and like pretty much every other DJ who I've never actually seen behind turntables, I have no clue if he can actually DJ. However, he was a part of a parody of the New Boyz "You're A Jerk" called "I'm At Work" which is unequivocally hilarious. Maybe it's because I do the white collar thing for a living, but the song just always puts a smile on my face.

Anyways, I log in today and I see a new video on his channel starring none other than Wiz Khalifa. It's a pretty standard fare interview until they ask Wiz if there was anyone Wiz would want to smoke weed with, dead or alive. Wiz's answer was unequivocally this guy:

For those of you who don't know, that's Montell Williams. Former talk show host, he is not a staunch supporter of multiple sclerosis, the disease which he has become afflicted with. Montell eases the pain of his MS by smoking marijuana. And Montell is pretty adamant about the unequivocal benefits he gets from his marijuana usage.

Montell is looking at the interviewer like he's Tubesteak in a rap battle getting ready to punch them in the mouth. Like if you try to talk down on Montell, he will jump across the table like Dave Chappelle acting as a black George Bush yelling out "THE NIGGA TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER." I'm not sure if there's anything in my life right now that I would get that wound up over. Amazing. Unequivocally amazing.


I done told chicks I loved them when I didn't really mean it
Sometimes I'm only thinking with the head of my penis
A lot of niggas preach monogamy like they ain't never cheated
So conceited, their girls do it back, they can't conceive it
Gotta see it to believe it
Deaded from the waist down like a paraplegic, now she creeping strategic
I just said that to get you mad, ain't my fault your girl won't give you ass
Player it's all on you
Maybe if you treated her better, she would call on you
I've been tryna get my life right
I got a good girl, wants to be a good wife
You know 2.5 kids, a white picket fence
Taking my ass to church so I could get my head rinsed
But at the same time, I still be flirting
I know it's asshole shit but nobody's perfect

Tryna figure how my guy look his lady in the eye when last night he had another lady in his ride
The same dick that she suck, the same seat in his truck
Is lust really worth hurting somebody you trust? Damn
The Henny does wonders on the sex drive
She remind you of your jeep on the test drive
Mini-me got a mind of it's own
You lookin at your ID like "Goddamn it, I'm grown"
Cause you only wanna see what the sex about
The genie's in your pants and you tryna let him out
But is it worth wastin three years on one shot and three beers, knowing she won't be here
Last week you was telling your man to settle down, now you playing 2Pac tryna "Get Around"
That don't add up, that ain't compound
Now you telling yourself you should just calm down

This chick told me black men who date white chicks is trifling
I asked her out, she told me she only date white men
I asked her how many niggas she ever dated
She said niggas gay, in jail or intimidated, unemployed or players just tryna get her naked
And white men are way more fine and educated
It's like she sees herself in the mirror and she hates it
Almost as bad as the niggas that she's castigating
So hypocritical it's almost fascinating
She don't realize she the problem exacerbating
That foul is considered a flagrant, called me next day and retracted her statement
Like I just heard your song on the radio station, and I ain't know you had a Ivy League education
The offer still stands if I could get up in your world
I'm sorry ma, I only date black girls

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Soul Mates

Never thought I'd fine someone so suitable
I think you're beautiful from your hair to your toe cuticle
I love you in my Subaru, or my work cubicle
Anything that you need to know girl I'll let you know for sure 'cause you are the one that I adore
Let me be the one your hearts searching for
I'll walk the longest mile, swim the deepest sea just to have you next to me
Girl we got the perfect chemistry, the perfect energy, when we're here baby its synergy
Can you feel me baby 'cause you are so fine
Baby girl you're oh so divine, and you're always on my mind
I can't even work. Girl I start to stutter, I can't dance and I can't jerk
Start to work backwards, girl my heart beats faster
Let me be your love master, when you leave me baby girl its a disaster
Girl I get a lil crazy babe whenever you leave my way
Can you come to where I am? Can you come please say yeah
I think about a shooting star, baby this love is crazy girl, its bizarre
But I really like it, yes I do for sure. Baby you are the one that I am searching for
You are beautiful baby you need no Maybelline. Baby you don't even need no apple sheen
You are the one that I wanna floss. I like your lips the way they are, don't need no gloss
Your body is a legend. Girl you got me singing like John Legend
Make me say "Oooh. Oooh. You're the one my heart's searching for. Don't let go. Give me more. I love it when you tell me hello"
Can I wrap you up? Keep you up? Kiss you up? Lick you up? Rub you up?
Tell you something, when I'm sick can you be my Robitussin?
Baby that is that. When I'm feeling down can you be my Dimetapp?
You're the one I miss. Baby you make me unball my fist
Girl you make me loose. Take that wall down, let's make a truce

Just One of Those Days

Every now and then I will start tweeting about something I see happening and I just begin a stream-of-consciousness style rant about it. Some of them come out as well-formed thoughts, and I've always considered Twitter to be a mini-blog of sorts. This is my first attempt at turning those tweets into a blog post. Here they are, un-edited. Depending on how this goes, and depending on my tweeting, there may be more of these in the future.

Basically as an introduction, this is about the "friend zone", males/females claiming to be platonic friends, and people who have a hard time expressing honestly what they look for in a relationship. Enjoy.

I'm tired of niggas taking this "friends with a female" shit too far. Making me look crazy when I tell a chick "I just wanna fuck"

Sure, after we fuck, some doors may open for you. But I ain't fitna be doing oil changes and shit for nothing.

I refuse to be the shoulder that you cry on unless I'm also the dick that you ride on. It's a two way street.

Anytime a man and a woman are "just friends", one of them is trying to passive-aggressively fuck.

This nigga thinks if he changes enough light bulbs or plays daddy to her kid enough she'll let him stick the tip in. That's not how it works

No one knows how you truly feel about them unless you come out and say that shit. Beating around the bush only works for gardeners.

I have no problem telling a female "Listen, I just wanna fuck." I don't have a problem using that exact language either.

At least that prevents the time wasted where we're both in a scenario where we're lying to ourselves about the situation

To me, time is the most precious thing on Earth. Time is an even more precious resource than pussy. And I don't waste either.

I'd love to hear someone tell me a situation where being the handyman led to them getting some pussy. Anyone.

The only thing being a chick's handyman will get for you is stronger forearm muscles for when you go beat off at night.

I think that's why I get along so well with older women/cougars/MILFs. Honesty goes a long way with someone who knows what they want in life

Bottom line is, if you send all the "friend" signals don't get mad when another nigga is blowing her back out at night. It will happen.

I think I'm done ranting. If you like what I say, cool. If not, cool. Me and my dick will continue to be on the same page.

If you're more worried about what a woman thinks than about your own needs as a man, you don't deserve to have a penis

I think too many people are afraid of the word "fuck". You're not going to be making love with everyone. It's cool.

Every man is not going to be your knight in shining armor, and every woman is not wifey material. But penis + vagina = both of us happy.

Would you rather a guy lie to you and tell you all this bullshit, only to break your heart in the end?

I think I'm too honest for chicks my age. They don't like it when I break it down to them that life isn't a romantic comedy

There's absolutely no way you can misunderstand what I'm saying. But you can hear what you want to hear.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I Got White Friends

Sometimes, you just need friends of the Caucasian persuasion to gain access to certain viral gems. This is one of them. This video is absolutely amazing and channels so many emotions that I can't put them into words. So I won't even try to. Just enjoy.

This is almost the same emotions I had when listening to this record.

12 Play Intermission

Back in the day I used to say "Can I get with you today?"
And you told me "No Robert. No way. No how. Not today"
I used to say "Do you mind if we spend a little time?"
And you told me "No Robert. No way. No how. Not today"
I used to walk up to the girls. I'd say "Can I rock your world?"
And they told me "No Robert. No way. No how. Not today"
And I used to say "Can I knock your boots today?"
And you told me "No Robert. No way. No how. Not today"

But now that I'm all that. You see they used to call me wack
But now they say "Yes Robert. Come on. Right now. You go boy"
You see they used to call me stank, but now I'm walking to the bank
And now they tell me "Yes Robert. Come on. Right now. You go boy"
I asked 'em time and time again, but now they see me driving in my Benz
And now they say "Yes Robert. Come on. Right now. You go boy"