Thursday, September 23, 2010

One Night Stand

This ain’t jailhouse talk, this is real shit
I’m tired of these hoes, I need me a real woman to deal with
The right one, a pretty and polite one in search of a real man I’m hoping she might come
Kick it with me for a minute just to see what I’m about
And if you ain’t feeling me baby girl I’m out, I ain’t mad at you
All I’m tryna do is get to know you better, I’m attracted
Any brother could lay you across a mattress
But what about pleasure without sex?

Fuck the moon, your smile could light up the city at night, you’re a sun
I’m really hoping you turn out to be the one, I’m tryna get to know you

A little about me, you already know I’m a G with a-t-t-i-t-u-d-e
But only for those who do me no good
I can’t loosen me up but I feel like a positive relationship could
Every week I take a flight or take a cruise by myself
That’s something I wish that I could do with someone else
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not tryna come across like I’m lonely
But just tryna give you an opportunity to know me
I’m an asshole by nature and a gentleman too
I beat up bitch niggas but I promise to be gentle with you
I know your job got you stressed out, sweating out your hairdo
Put your feet up, let the King of the Ghetto take care of you
Tell me what your favorite food is and I’ll make it
And afterwards you don’t have to get naked, you’re respected
Not tryna be a special kind of fool
I’m a king and I need a queen to help me rule, I’m tryna get to know you

I’ve wasted a lot of time on these hateful chicks, these unfaithful and ungrateful chicks
I think it’s time for me to get what I deserve, don’t you feel like that?
If you can keep it real I can keep it real like that
You wouldn’t have to worry about me and another woman
You’d be my out in the open plus my undercover woman
Happy to have you on my arm, showing you off
Listening to what you have to tell me, never blowing you off
I know the sun won’t shine everyday
Sometime we’ll be in for bad weather, we can go through it together
Well I’m looking for my woman ‘cause she overdo
All I’m tryna do is see if she you, that’s why I’m tryna get to know you

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Caught Me Slippin

I posted the previous Dave Chappelle video and this video was in the sidebar on the page.

Dude brings up a interesting point. There really is no social norm against male rape the way there is for female rape. Even if its a female raping a man, there really is no support groups or anything for men. I couldn't even imagine something like that going down. If a man ever tried to rape me, one of us has to die. Either him or me. May the best man win.

Bosom Buddies

On Youtube I'm subscribed to videos from LA's DJ Skee. I have no clue who he is, and like pretty much every other DJ who I've never actually seen behind turntables, I have no clue if he can actually DJ. However, he was a part of a parody of the New Boyz "You're A Jerk" called "I'm At Work" which is unequivocally hilarious. Maybe it's because I do the white collar thing for a living, but the song just always puts a smile on my face.

Anyways, I log in today and I see a new video on his channel starring none other than Wiz Khalifa. It's a pretty standard fare interview until they ask Wiz if there was anyone Wiz would want to smoke weed with, dead or alive. Wiz's answer was unequivocally this guy:

For those of you who don't know, that's Montell Williams. Former talk show host, he is not a staunch supporter of multiple sclerosis, the disease which he has become afflicted with. Montell eases the pain of his MS by smoking marijuana. And Montell is pretty adamant about the unequivocal benefits he gets from his marijuana usage.

Montell is looking at the interviewer like he's Tubesteak in a rap battle getting ready to punch them in the mouth. Like if you try to talk down on Montell, he will jump across the table like Dave Chappelle acting as a black George Bush yelling out "THE NIGGA TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER." I'm not sure if there's anything in my life right now that I would get that wound up over. Amazing. Unequivocally amazing.


I done told chicks I loved them when I didn't really mean it
Sometimes I'm only thinking with the head of my penis
A lot of niggas preach monogamy like they ain't never cheated
So conceited, their girls do it back, they can't conceive it
Gotta see it to believe it
Deaded from the waist down like a paraplegic, now she creeping strategic
I just said that to get you mad, ain't my fault your girl won't give you ass
Player it's all on you
Maybe if you treated her better, she would call on you
I've been tryna get my life right
I got a good girl, wants to be a good wife
You know 2.5 kids, a white picket fence
Taking my ass to church so I could get my head rinsed
But at the same time, I still be flirting
I know it's asshole shit but nobody's perfect

Tryna figure how my guy look his lady in the eye when last night he had another lady in his ride
The same dick that she suck, the same seat in his truck
Is lust really worth hurting somebody you trust? Damn
The Henny does wonders on the sex drive
She remind you of your jeep on the test drive
Mini-me got a mind of it's own
You lookin at your ID like "Goddamn it, I'm grown"
Cause you only wanna see what the sex about
The genie's in your pants and you tryna let him out
But is it worth wastin three years on one shot and three beers, knowing she won't be here
Last week you was telling your man to settle down, now you playing 2Pac tryna "Get Around"
That don't add up, that ain't compound
Now you telling yourself you should just calm down

This chick told me black men who date white chicks is trifling
I asked her out, she told me she only date white men
I asked her how many niggas she ever dated
She said niggas gay, in jail or intimidated, unemployed or players just tryna get her naked
And white men are way more fine and educated
It's like she sees herself in the mirror and she hates it
Almost as bad as the niggas that she's castigating
So hypocritical it's almost fascinating
She don't realize she the problem exacerbating
That foul is considered a flagrant, called me next day and retracted her statement
Like I just heard your song on the radio station, and I ain't know you had a Ivy League education
The offer still stands if I could get up in your world
I'm sorry ma, I only date black girls

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Soul Mates

Never thought I'd fine someone so suitable
I think you're beautiful from your hair to your toe cuticle
I love you in my Subaru, or my work cubicle
Anything that you need to know girl I'll let you know for sure 'cause you are the one that I adore
Let me be the one your hearts searching for
I'll walk the longest mile, swim the deepest sea just to have you next to me
Girl we got the perfect chemistry, the perfect energy, when we're here baby its synergy
Can you feel me baby 'cause you are so fine
Baby girl you're oh so divine, and you're always on my mind
I can't even work. Girl I start to stutter, I can't dance and I can't jerk
Start to work backwards, girl my heart beats faster
Let me be your love master, when you leave me baby girl its a disaster
Girl I get a lil crazy babe whenever you leave my way
Can you come to where I am? Can you come please say yeah
I think about a shooting star, baby this love is crazy girl, its bizarre
But I really like it, yes I do for sure. Baby you are the one that I am searching for
You are beautiful baby you need no Maybelline. Baby you don't even need no apple sheen
You are the one that I wanna floss. I like your lips the way they are, don't need no gloss
Your body is a legend. Girl you got me singing like John Legend
Make me say "Oooh. Oooh. You're the one my heart's searching for. Don't let go. Give me more. I love it when you tell me hello"
Can I wrap you up? Keep you up? Kiss you up? Lick you up? Rub you up?
Tell you something, when I'm sick can you be my Robitussin?
Baby that is that. When I'm feeling down can you be my Dimetapp?
You're the one I miss. Baby you make me unball my fist
Girl you make me loose. Take that wall down, let's make a truce

Just One of Those Days

Every now and then I will start tweeting about something I see happening and I just begin a stream-of-consciousness style rant about it. Some of them come out as well-formed thoughts, and I've always considered Twitter to be a mini-blog of sorts. This is my first attempt at turning those tweets into a blog post. Here they are, un-edited. Depending on how this goes, and depending on my tweeting, there may be more of these in the future.

Basically as an introduction, this is about the "friend zone", males/females claiming to be platonic friends, and people who have a hard time expressing honestly what they look for in a relationship. Enjoy.

I'm tired of niggas taking this "friends with a female" shit too far. Making me look crazy when I tell a chick "I just wanna fuck"

Sure, after we fuck, some doors may open for you. But I ain't fitna be doing oil changes and shit for nothing.

I refuse to be the shoulder that you cry on unless I'm also the dick that you ride on. It's a two way street.

Anytime a man and a woman are "just friends", one of them is trying to passive-aggressively fuck.

This nigga thinks if he changes enough light bulbs or plays daddy to her kid enough she'll let him stick the tip in. That's not how it works

No one knows how you truly feel about them unless you come out and say that shit. Beating around the bush only works for gardeners.

I have no problem telling a female "Listen, I just wanna fuck." I don't have a problem using that exact language either.

At least that prevents the time wasted where we're both in a scenario where we're lying to ourselves about the situation

To me, time is the most precious thing on Earth. Time is an even more precious resource than pussy. And I don't waste either.

I'd love to hear someone tell me a situation where being the handyman led to them getting some pussy. Anyone.

The only thing being a chick's handyman will get for you is stronger forearm muscles for when you go beat off at night.

I think that's why I get along so well with older women/cougars/MILFs. Honesty goes a long way with someone who knows what they want in life

Bottom line is, if you send all the "friend" signals don't get mad when another nigga is blowing her back out at night. It will happen.

I think I'm done ranting. If you like what I say, cool. If not, cool. Me and my dick will continue to be on the same page.

If you're more worried about what a woman thinks than about your own needs as a man, you don't deserve to have a penis

I think too many people are afraid of the word "fuck". You're not going to be making love with everyone. It's cool.

Every man is not going to be your knight in shining armor, and every woman is not wifey material. But penis + vagina = both of us happy.

Would you rather a guy lie to you and tell you all this bullshit, only to break your heart in the end?

I think I'm too honest for chicks my age. They don't like it when I break it down to them that life isn't a romantic comedy

There's absolutely no way you can misunderstand what I'm saying. But you can hear what you want to hear.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I Got White Friends

Sometimes, you just need friends of the Caucasian persuasion to gain access to certain viral gems. This is one of them. This video is absolutely amazing and channels so many emotions that I can't put them into words. So I won't even try to. Just enjoy.

This is almost the same emotions I had when listening to this record.

12 Play Intermission

Back in the day I used to say "Can I get with you today?"
And you told me "No Robert. No way. No how. Not today"
I used to say "Do you mind if we spend a little time?"
And you told me "No Robert. No way. No how. Not today"
I used to walk up to the girls. I'd say "Can I rock your world?"
And they told me "No Robert. No way. No how. Not today"
And I used to say "Can I knock your boots today?"
And you told me "No Robert. No way. No how. Not today"

But now that I'm all that. You see they used to call me wack
But now they say "Yes Robert. Come on. Right now. You go boy"
You see they used to call me stank, but now I'm walking to the bank
And now they tell me "Yes Robert. Come on. Right now. You go boy"
I asked 'em time and time again, but now they see me driving in my Benz
And now they say "Yes Robert. Come on. Right now. You go boy"

Ink My Whole Body

Stefan sent me this the other day.

I can't rationalize what I was hearing, so I had to do this one bullet point style.

• Church of Body Modifications? No seriously, that’s a church? Do they get tax breaks and stuff that other churches get? Because if so:

• How messed up does your life have to be where you rationalize a nose piercing with making you feel whole? That’s like some “I saw my father kill my mother because she cooked his eggs wrong” type stuff here. She’s seen some stuff that’s out of a bad John Grisham novel. Damn.

• Shoutout to the school that deemed her nose piercing worthy of expulsion. Hard enough getting kids to want to go to school without making them, or the threat of truancy. You get akid who wants to go to school and you kick them out for a nose stud? Dress code? Really?

• It makes me think theres a much larger gap than I thought between teachers and students. That small nose ring shouldn’t bother anyone. The fact that it bothered someone enough to prompt an expulsion is troubling to me.

• Just being real, but if the minister of Church of Body Modifications looked like that, I’d go look for another church to go to. Real talk.

Off Your Rocker

You should know by now how the good folks here at CWHL feel about nonsense situations. We’ve touched on HNH here in detail. Well, I stumbled across this song and video the other day which left me beyond moved.

It’s about a guy getting with a girl, only to find out her ex is crazier than this guy:

And this guy


Sure, the whole crazy ex bit seems funny, but it left a different thought with me. I always wondered when was the point in relationships when people became that crazy significant other or the crazy ex. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m very transparent with my feelings and how I carry myself. If I was crazy, you would know it the very first time you met me. There was no transitional period, or no optical illusion when dealing with me. What you see is what you get. I also feel it’s the same way with most people. People seem to pick and choose what they want to see these days. And that’s where HNH comes into play.

Living in Atlanta, there are a huge number of single mothers down here. I don’t have any statistics to back it up, so I won’t try to, but it’s a crazy amount. And when I talk to these females, they always tell me how their child’s father is a deadbeat, or is crazy. Which leads to my follow-up question: “Did he rape you?” If the answer is no, then all my sympathy goes out the window. If you chose to let this deadbeat or crazy dude into your vaginal walls without the use of contraception, there are consequences that come along with that. Namely kids.

How hard is it for females to use better judgment when choosing their sexual partners? I’m willing to bet this no-good, crazy or deadbeat person that you had sexual relations with was no-good or a deadbeat the first moment you met him. You may not have found out the first minute you spoke to him, but I’m guessing there was a probationary period where it became painfully obvious. And you still chose to go along with it. I mean, love is blind, but come on now.

The other alternative scenario is for a one-night stand, in which literally the first impression is the only impression. That’s a whole different kind of HNH though. That could be a separate article whenever I get around to writing it. But I’ll just say this. Don’t let a guy jump straight from high school to the pros and become a #1 draft pick for your love. You may think you’re getting this guy.

When you end up with this guy.

The choice is yours.

Just the Two of Us

I go to church usually twice every Sunday. Once in the morning, which is kinda pointless, and then a second time in the afternoon. The morning session is your standard fare church service. I go to a Methodist church nowadays, so pretty much its one big snore fest. Sure, there might be some huge shining light at the end of the sermon, but usually it’s not. Just an opportunity for me to clear my head and reflect on the events of the past week.

I go in the afternoon to help out with our church’s Youth Group. A collection of middle schoolers and high schoolers who come out on Sunday afternoons to hang out with their friends and get away from their parents for a few hours. Although it kinda started because of someone asking me to help out more with the kids, I’ve grown to love it. Not because I’m teaching them about God. Not because I’m teaching them about virtue and all that other stuff. Not because I overly enjoy their company. And I’m damn sure no pedophile.

I love it because it gives me a firsthand glimpse into the mind of adolescents of this new generation with their guards down in an environment that encourages free speaking about what’s going on in their lives.

When I was in middle school and high school, I didn’t have to deal with half the stuff they deal with. And this isn’t just because I was usually 2 years younger than my classmates. It’s due to this new age of technology that they’re embracing. When I was in 6th grade, I would have no use for a Facebook page. Or a BlogSpot. Or a YouTube account. I didn’t even have a Polaroid camera, so I damn sure wouldn’t have a camcorder to film me and my friends “jerkin”.

In this age where the kids are bombarded with everything at a much faster rate, they’re desensitized to a lot of things that were risqué to me when I was growing up. But they aren’t necessarily maturing any faster. There’s a difference. And this difference leads to a much bigger problem that I don’t think we’re adequately addressing in society.

Children spend 8 hrs a day sleeping, 8 hrs at school with their teachers, and 8 hrs in-between. This is eating, socializing, interacting with their parents, and transportation times. Depending on the kid’s economic situation, this could also include working. But there’s no designated parenting time. There’s no one to monitor what sites these kids are going on, or to give them those talks about what kinds of things they should be exposing themselves too.

I went to a restaurant today to watch my beloved Dolphins play and while there I noticed a family of 3: mother, father, and son. The father was there on his laptop, probably checking fantasy football scores and whatnot. The mother was there staring at the father like “Please acknowledge my presence honey”*. And the son was in-between the two, pretty much left to his own devices. Which so happened to be a cell phone and the TV screens around him. That situation represents what a lot of these kids are facing. He’s not getting the nurturing he needs from those whose life he depends on and will ultimately end up deciding their fate when they get older and he is given the reigns to being one of the law-abiding citizens. He ends up having to maneuver blindly on his own. With his only teachers being TV and the Internet.

I’m not saying that all kids are destined to fail, but all parents are destined to fail. Unless changes are made. Until I have kids of my own, I won’t know what the right way to raise kids is. But I damn sure know when I see people doing it wrong.

*The chick was there with her husband for a solid hour that I was there and he acknowledged her presence zero times. Zero times. But I feel zero sympathy for her. She chose that situation. If this guy reacts to her like that in public, I’m willing to bet my left testicle that he treats her like that at home. If you’re a coach and you approach each game like “Just don’t lose”, you won’t win many games. She’s accepted not losing before, and unless some serious change happens, she will continue to not try to lose. And not try to win either.

I'll use any excuse to show that clip. Sue me.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Patron & Swag

They say “Bob, why not put the guitar down & rap?”
It’s easier to sing & put my soul on a track ‘cause the media has made a competition outta rap
So constantly they comparing me to Three Stacks
I try to grow freely but they hold me to my past saying the music that I’m making doesn’t appeal to the mass
What am I to do about that when the syndicated radio is only playing trash?
Every single song is the same ol’ track about Patron, Patron, Patron & swag, swag, swag, Patron & swag
And the whole hood singing “Patron & swag”
And everybody wonder why the kids so bad ‘cause the only thing that they know is Patron & swag

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Everybody Lookin 4 Somethin

They ask for favors on the daily man, I can’t take a step without somebody looking for something, ‘bout to beg my ass to death
Got a partner wanna ride, a lil cuz that wanna rap. Another partner want some bread but he don’t ever pay you back
I got a partner wanna stay a couple days and he’ll be out. It’s been years and that lazy ass nigga still on my couch
Smoke more weed than the weedman could even fucking grow and he always asking “Hey, can you take this piss test for me bro?”
I met this lady at the store that wants a dollar. I said I need a fucking dollar too, so if you find one bitch holla

Hey cuz, I need to see your gun for a minute. I need to go shoot this nigga right quick but I promise I’ll bring it right back
Hey Tre, hit me up. I know you on the road with Bob man. I wanna know if I can borrow your big screen for the game next week. Hit me up on my mama phone, my Metro off

I know this chick that say she wanna get married before she 30 and if not she gon’ kill herself when she turn 30
I asked was she for real, she said yeah, I said you stupid. Matter fact, here go a pistol dumb bitch, go head and do it
I got this lil partner keep hollering he wanna be set and get rich. I asked what his plan, he said he don’t know yet
He said I’ll probably stack up some dimes and hit the dope trap. I said you’ll probably end up in prison, I hope you know that

Hey big bruh, hit me up. I’m up here at rent-a-center, I need a cosigner. I need to borrow your social security number right quick. Hit me back ASAP