Thursday, July 8, 2010

Pearl Vision

For those of you who know me outside of the blog world, you’ll know my favorite phrase by now: HNH. HNH means a lot of different things to me, but up until this point, I don’t think I’ve ever explained exactly what it means. And I never had a desire to. To me, HNH was something as more of an inside joke and a few privileged individuals that were privy enough to catch my explanation. Nothing more, nothing less.

It seemed like every time I would turn around, I would see something that just reeked of HNH or Ho-Logic*. First I saw this video.

Yes, that’s a Sean Paul reggae wannabe. Yes, those are big booty bitches. Yes, the big booty bitches seemingly serve no purpose to the song. They can’t even dance, just shake their body from side to side in such a way that would make Mark Madsen proud.

Shit like this brings credence to whenever I say “If I had a vagina, I’d be a millionaire by now.” I wouldn’t even need to resort to prostitution or fucking for career purposes. Just the presence of a vagina makes everything better.

Then I happened to catch this clip on Adult Swim.

Yes, this is a show created by T-Pain (!?!?!?!). Yes, the show is called Freaknik (again, !?!?!). It really shouldn’t surprise me that T-Pain would create another working girl anthem. This nigga loves strippers more than Fleece Johnson loves booty, and to him, booty is more important than both food and water. T-Pain proceeds to make the simp anthem**, complete with falsetto breakdown. Outrageous.

Then I saw this twitpic (NSFW).

Yes, that is a chick giving a blowjob. Yes, THAT IS HER BABY IN THE ROOM WITH HER. Yes, she is feeding the baby a bottle while simultaneously feeding herself hard dick and bubblegum. I would say “Where are this kid’s parents”, but it’s obvious her parents are trying their damndest to conceive another child. Well actually, no, because it’s no way you can have a baby out of your mouth © Jadakiss. That had me at an absolute loss for words, but still no HNH post.

Then I saw this video.

Yes, dude is breaking down bottom bitches and what not. Yes, he’s actually doing a pretty good job at it. But this dude is giving way too much thought to what had been oral history (pause) up until that point. The game is sold, no told.

I had weathered the ignorant information storm and was still without a definitive HNH post, until I saw this. Yes, that is a chick who’s a hooker. Yes she is HIV positive and has AIDS. Yes, SHE’S STILL WORKING AS A HOOKER AFTER COMING UP HIV POSITIVE. The video said she’s had 2 clients a day, 4 days a week for god knows how long. Let me break that down in terms that kinda make sense to me. That’s A) Hundreds of guys willing to fuck that nasty Camryn Manheim looking ass bitch, B) All of the guys were willing TO PAY HER for the sex, and C) hundreds of guys who probably rawdogged anal, which is the most likely way to contract HIV. Add that shit up. Yes, I could no longer hold my tongue regarding HNH.

HNH, which stands for Hoes Nigga Hoes, is the way people rationalize the decisions, behaviors and thought processes used to justify ho-like actions. I’m a firm believer that anyone who subjects themselves to the actions of the promiscuous or whore-like activity lives in an alternate fantasy version of reality where they truly don’t see anything wrong with that they do. It’s almost like they went to the LeBron James school of modesty where they truly feel like they have done no wrong. For every sane person who realizes that jerking off in a meeting is wrong, there’s someone out there running a strip club out of their own home. For every person who knows that groping is wrong, there’s someone out there trying to justify “Flirty Girl Fitness”. Even celebrities are getting caught up in the HNH madness. And it needs to stop.

This probably isn’t the first time you’ve heard me mention HNH, and it definitely won’t be the last. As long as people are claiming they can determine whether you’re a virgin by an arbitrary dot behind your ear. HNH: live long and prosper.

*I think Stefan could better explain Ho-Logic than I ever could, so I’ma hit him with the John Stockton bounce pass and hope he can finish the pick & roll basket, Karl Malone style.

**One could argue that The Dream is the simp anthem king, especially after songs like this. But that’s irrelevant for this article.

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