Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Yellow Brick Road

“Love, those who have faith in you sometimes go astray…”

That old Musiq Soulchild song was the only reason I checked for dude ever. I thought that “Just Friends (Sunny)” was some wack ish (You mean you don’t want to hit it? C'mon son.) Even though I was in like 6-7th grade when that came out, being the nice guy was played out back then, and it only got worse as I got older. Somewhere along the line, music went from “Don’t you remember you told me you loved me baby” to “Have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire.” Now, every time I hear a Kelis record, I want to have a vasectomy. These tricks aren’t going to play me like that.

Anyways I was at a little gathering the other day and we had the great idea to start a bonfire. Obviously, alcohol was involved, but the conversation went from good to great once the bonfire started. First it went to politics, because the Obama healthcare plan had just passed then jumped to the topic of relationships. I will spare you the gory details, but the jist of the discussion was “What’s the right age to settle down at?” Some guy there was in a long-term committed relationship (and when I say committed, I mean that they have joint bills and things that they both need to pay or they will come up short. Consider committed relationships financially bonded relationships) and he thought it was cool to enter these relationships whenever, as long as the sex was good and you cared about the person. Everyone said their piece, and then it got to my turn where I was one of a few who disagreed. I said that there would be no way that you settled down before you became secure in yourself and your career, and you had a successful relationship. It just won’t work unless you know who you are as a person.

Imagine you’re a 5-star recruit coming out of high school. You’re the hottest thing since sliced bread, 4.25 40 time, vision out of this world… but you’re just an “athlete”. You have no true position, so you go to college and play ball. You become a return specialist and trick play option. There you can still use your out of this world speed and talent to get you by, but whenever you play big games, you fade away because then you’re just another player. By the time you smash the combine and get to the league you become a nobody. You have no defined position, no discernable skill set besides speed and you become one of many. To me, this mirrors personal growth perfectly.

If you don’t have your life together, and then find a girl to complement your lifestyle (like a player fitting in the right system), then you’re going to hit a glass ceiling and flounder. Sometimes you take an adjusted role and it works out, but the majority of time you’re dumped like a bad habit and someone else comes in to replace you. By this time, all of your good years are gone trying to find yourself, wasting your God-given talent and you end up bouncing from one year contract to one year contract. Sure, you could hit pay dirt one last time in the CFL, but then you’d be in Canada. And even Canadians hate Canada.

I told my friends at the party that I wanted to wait until I was at least 30 before I committed to anything. I got a toast from the one lesbian there (she never confirmed it, but I just have that feeling. And I’m never wrong when it comes to lesbians) but everyone disagreed. But you know what they say, opinions are like penises: be confident when you whip yours out, or don’t be surprised when someone says “What you expect me to do with that?”


  1. I could not agree more with this entry. The point that has been made is clear and in my opinion should be taken into account for every individual. So many people rush into relationships not fully understanding who they are as a person and not happy with their current status in life. People end up finding themselves while they're together realizing that they really aren't the same person they used to be. It's important to understand who you are as a person and attain all the important personal goals that you've wanted to achieve in life. I can only speak for myself so I will say that until I go to Law School and become a licensed, praticing attorney I will not be fully content with where I am. I am secure with myself as an individual but when you mix being in a relationship and attaining your personal goals somewhere down the line there will be fork and one of the two will have to choose to compromise. Will it be you or your significant other? Who knows until you get to that point, but to avoid that from happening it's important to have your own life together before you potentially start a more serious relationship with another.

  2. You are on point. You have to know you before you can give "you" to someone else. Unless you find someone one willing to grow with you, follow the same path, and be ok if you change. And for most folks.. thats hard

  3. Of course it's hard. The road less traveled is never the easy one.

  4. I think the important question to ask is, what happens when you accomplish all that you want to accomplish and then you look back and realize that the person you thought wasn't right for you at the time was actually the perfect mate for you? I feel like that would be harder for me then than anything.

  5. Hindsight is 20/20, and the heart always desires what it can't have. That was the whole premise behind the movie "The Notebook", and the reason why I refused to watch it.

  6. Hindsight is 20/20, but I feel like that's where the true romantics step in and say that you should go with your heart. Yes, it may be more practical to wait it out, but that's a risk you take for someone that you love.