Friday, April 30, 2010

Round 1...Just a later version of Round 1

I'm Lazy and don't check my with it.

1) JEEP WRANGLERS. It's not so much that I despise the vehicle itself but rather a subsection of individuals who drive them: Shirtless Dudes. I know it's 80 degrees outside and having the windows down in your car is nice, but to take the doors and roof off of your car makes you dumb. I mean seriously, your car doesn't have any fucking doors, its not like you can actually go anywhere. If you park your Wrangler, someone who hates you as much as I do is going to steal your shit purely on principal. Fail. To make matters worse, you also chose to drive around shirtless, proclaiming to all passersby that you're a homo. How could you be so delusional as to assume that people who see you will think your sweet. You are not. You're a giant tool. You're like everyone that's ever been to a Nickelback concert. If you want to drive around with something that doesn't have a roof, get an actual convertible (not a Mazda or Saturn because then your a bigger queer). At least then you can go somewhere without a homeless dude stealing all the shit out of your car. But seriously put your fucking shirt on.

2) AX MEN. Really History channel. I understand that there was a writer's strike and networks were forced to air ridiculous reality shows. I also realize that the general American population is dumb enough to watch reality shows season after season with the exact same plot and different names. I thought you were better than this. You're the History channel, rednecks aren't going to watch you. That's a demographic you should be happy that isn't watching your channel (except for the occasional story about Robert E. Lee). Stop it. Go back to airing cool stuff. Like wars, how shits made, & and outlandish doomsday and conspiracy theories.

3) KATE GOSSELIN. She's everything that's wrong with America. First, you only have 8 kids. By Irish Catholic standards, you're barely half way there. There's literally 1000's of women who have raised more children than you without any help whatsoever. Also their children aren't going to be fucked up in the head when they reach the age of 14. Then there's your pathetic attempts to get sympathy that your husband cheated on you and left you with 8 kids. This one's squarely on you. Everyone in the entire free world knew he was a complete tool the very moment they laid eyes on him. How didn't you pick up on that. Epic fail. The only thing more appalling than you choosing to marry someone who wears Ed Hardy shirts past the age of 27, is the fact that there is another girl dumb enough and slutty enough to be HIS mistress. (Side note: ladies if you want to be known as a stupid whore, be the mistress of a president or golf star)

4) GAY MARRIAGE. Why do people honestly give a fuck if gays want to get married? How does this affect you. It's literally only a tax status, there are no other rights that go along with it. In fact it's actually more beneficial not to get married, because if you do end up divorced the other person doesn't have a legal claim on half your shit. This is just another prime example of people simply having too much time on their hands. There are some many purposeful things to hate (see above), but you've picked something that in no way effects your life. If you're not gay, then why does it matter if gays get married? I just don't get the church groups full of bored house wifes picketing against gay marriage, it's fucking dumb. How about doing something useful, like stopping the 19 year old pot dealer your 15 year old daughter's dating from knocking her up. The only people that have a right to be against gay marriage are really old gay people. They couldn't get the tax benefits of being married for their entire lives, so if they want to make sure that you don't get them out of spite, I'm cool with it.

5) REC LEAGUE FIGHTS. This one just baffles the shit out of me. You pay $40 dollars to play flag football (dek hockey, bowling, basketball, etc.) and then you start fights with the refs and the other team. Your life is really that pathetic that you care about the outcome of a flag football game you're playing hungover, at 10 am on a Sunday. How could the outcome of this event in anyway impact your life. You're probably the same dude that was driving his doorless roofless Wrangler, shirtless, to a Nickelback concert. Find more meaningful things to do with your life. Or kill yourself. But either way, knock it the fuck off.

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